The Rhythms of His Heart

From the desire of being praised, deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being honored, deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being preferred, deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being consulted, deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being approved, deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of comfort and ease, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being criticized, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being passed over, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being lonely, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being hurt, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of suffering, deliver me, Jesus. That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. O Jesu...

I've heard a picture of the Body of Christ a few times  and it hit my heart in a new way this week. Today as I sit and process it with the Lord I think there is more for me (and us) in this picture. This picture is of a cracked wall.  We as the family and the Body of Christ are in a battle against the Enemy of our souls.  The cracked wall in this picture is the defensive/offensive line that protects us against him and as we stand together there ain't no force of Hell that can get through...it's a beautiful picture. Then come in the cracks...what are they, why are they crumbling?  These cracks are the weak places, the vulnerable places, the struggling places that are places where the Enemy can come in...and he does and will if we allow him and fear him. What is our response as a living Body, a Family, a Force of Soldiers?  Do we suit up, pray up and hound heaven for the cracks to be filled, healed, redeemed, restored and for the darkness and demons to flee?!...

(Written for YFC  Portage Banquet 2017) Just pretend I am looking at you in the eye as I read this.  Pretend that I've read the below transcript word for word and that I am really good at being creative with videography :) It's just me in real time on video...*eye-rollong smile* ----------------------------- “Let ME love you!” is the invitation that has been sung from Jesus and I have been hearing over myself these days and over the Youth of Portage.  You don’t have to hang around YFC long before you hear stories of distorted, false versions of what love is.  In our world, love is a feeling. Love can be superficial...a magic word that gets you your next fix, friend or food plate.  It is my huge honor as child of God, a woman, and Youth worker to speak truth and live Truth out  before these lies and misconceptions about Who love is, about how humans are reflections of it and how it works itself out in relationships, families and teenage live...

Have you ever exceeded your limits? You push past the speed limit in driving, you eat one more cookie even though your stomach feels full, or you stay just a half hour more at work and ignore your headache or exhaustion because you just have to get work done!   If all that sounds familiar, it won’t be long before the pushing through catches up to you.  The police pull you over, eating habits become unhealthy and your work leaves you feeling burnt out and lifeless.  This summer began with me speaking out loud what I already knew in my soul and that was that I was going way beyond my limits!  Yes me!  The girl who tries to prove that she has no limits had to step back and say, “Enough!” I stepped out of my role of overseeing our summer students and was given the grace and freedom to use this summer as a recovery/rest time.  It has been a challenge to admit to myself (and others around me) that I have limits, but I am learning that it is a human thing. ...

I was always the 'different' kid and I hated it!  Sometimes I just wish that I could walk through a mall, down a street or anywhere really and not get stared at. Somehow I missed the beauty of walking out differences. Why can't I be like everyone else?? This was in a physical way because of my disability and it also rings true for me in communicating and building relationships.    I am naturally  careful to blend in...go along with whatever everyone else is saying. I don't want to cause a stir. I run and hide from conflict and thought that if I disagree with something that there can no longer be conversation or even relationship.  I had to be compliant and cooperative and never express my opinion (especially if I knew it was different than everyone in the room) in order to keep peace.  This is not ok!!!!  This is not REAL community...this not REAL  relationship...this is not REAL love.  God has been moving in me and challenging me to risk ...

 " When they heard the sound of  God  strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from  God. God  called to the Man: “Where are you?”   He said, “I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid.”   God  said, “Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?” (Genesis 3:9-11) Back to the Garden ... Recently I was brought back to the Garden.  This scene of two humans who had messed up big time. They tried to hide their sin--their mistake--their brokenness.  They covered it up out of fear and shame, maybe even guilt.They saw themselves as they really were and hid.   The God who knew them so intimately came to to them in this state and just asked that big question:  “Who told you you were naked?"   Whose Voice have you been listening to?     We as humans were created to live i...

I have made it five years! Jesus has been so faithful and so good! Thank you, dear friends for your prayers and encouragement. This season of life has been more of an awareness of the Presence  of God and his work in me…a tearing down and a building up. A process of knowing that I'm not just  to be used of God, but to know God. A revealing of unhealthy patterns and an uncovering of things instead of ignoring things. A courage to speak out my dreams, thoughts, and hopes that the Lord has specifically put into my heart. The Deanna of May 2017 is not the same as before. She better understands her capacity and limits and by the grace and strength of her Jesus will keep going not because she feels like she has to keep up, but because she knows and wants to be faithful to the voice of her Good Shepherd. No more puppet on a string that does the dance that everyone needs her to, but a woman who is free to be herself...to be loved and be love to people around her. This journey of fin...