The Rhythms of His Heart

Heaven gave my friend and the leader of the worship team I minister with  a beautiful, candlelit way to offer our worship this past Sunday.  A few of us testified to the Voice of Peace in our personal journeys.   On this day after Christmas and reflecting on how I am being led and where I am at in life...I am grateful for this Voice of Peace who knows me so intimately. Here was my part: "I am the Voice of Peace in the Waiting The words of the carol say, “He knows our need.   To our weakness is no stranger.”   My  response to that … “Be still, and know that I am God.      I will be exalted among the nations,      I will be exalted in the earth!”     The  Lord  of hosts is with us;   the God of Jacob is our fortress.  (Psalm 46:10-11) To be still is to stop striving, to stop trying to figure things out and to let go of  control. I often need this Voice of Peace to remind me to Be still and live  knowing HE is God and I am not.    He says “Be stil

As I sit here on a Sunday and write I'm not even sure I have entered in fully to what I am going to express, but please find in me a broken vessel, chosen, sinful, redeemed yet always in need of more growth, grace, mercy,  understanding & love.  I am not where I was and neither am I where I want to be.  In a previous post , I gave you freedom to cry!  I am still a believer in a God who is a God of emotion and feels things so deeply!  Tears are a holy, good thing!  The language of the prophets, psalmists even our Savior was often tears over sin , rejection and injustice.  It is not my intent to be a heavy, melancholic person, but as I have been diving deep into a vulnerable journey in Jesus there is more to discover as we cry out our tears.  THE "I AM WRONG!" TEARS My heart wilts a little every time I hear the words, "You are wrong!" Yep, I hate to be called out! I work so hard in my pride to do everything right that I literally can have a melt down whe

I was hosting a few friends in my home on a Friday and caught a ride with a friend to the grocery store to pick up some things. My menu for the evening was pretty simple. I had been given a huge bag of fries for free so I thought we would go real healthy and easy and just have poutine 😉 Fries, gravy, drinks and cookies for dessert were on my mental list as we went in the store.  Real classy I know, but it's what I could offer and kept reminding myself that it would all be ok and was enough.  I grabbed all my stuff, put it in my friend's cart and she walked ahead of me as I hobbled along on my crutches.  I was pretty focused on getting to the cashier and was looking straight ahead.  I was walking...walking...walking and then BAAAAM! I was on the floor!  I had failed to see a "Wet Floor" sign and slipped on a section of freshly mopped floor!!!  The sign went flying and I just sat there in a moment of shock, laughter and embarrassment!   It happened so fast!  My body is

What a healthy, holy thing it is for me to have people from different seasons, relationship statuses and generations in my life! I learn from all ages, groups and people. One of these people is my dear soul friend from college. We actually met in 2006 and haven’t spent longer than a week together since our college days, but when she speaks, texts or writes I listen. I listen because she finds the Holy in the ordinary, joy in the mess, and when she speaks it makes me ask the big questions and even evaluate if I am living  out of a real Jesus love or just a dead pew religion. She is my fiery, ginger -haired moxie-drinking, Mainer,  (*insert New England Accent* and say it in your head “Mainah” cause it’s fun) mother of 2 boys, wife to one wild man friend. She is beautiful and so grab your tea or bucket of ice cream as I often do when we have a visit over FaceTime and read her heart in the words below.  She is new to the blog scene, but as you read you will understand why I needed to share

Sitting in my little home completely grateful as I sip my tea tonight!  I raise my mug in celebration of where I've been and where I am going and know without a doubt that "Thus far the Lord has lead me..." and He will continue to. Faced my fear of Zip Lining.  I have been at camp for 3 weeks cabin leading and helping to facilitate a Leadership Development Program at ValleyView Bible Camp.   Jesus lead me to step in to this new thing, new community and new ministry and I was humbled and super blessed by it all. Camp always has had a special place in my heart and in my spiritual development and so I was grateful to be back again. Camp seems to be a real place where people see you when you're tired, frustrated and worn.  It is a place that fosters authentic community and Body of Christ living.  It is  not a perfect place but still cultivates a desire for all to see Jesus in all of His glory.  I find myself dealing with the bittersweet feels of all of this. I am co

The most beautiful and the most messy part of this crazy heart these days is that I hate...hate..hate saying goodbye.   When I stepped into this transition stage of my life of closing a door and opening a new one, I knew there were going to be people that I've come to love deeply that I would have to leave.  It is painful!  It is another place in my heart that I don't have control over!   Still with open hands I am choosing to submit to the process of pain and new things He is working in me.    Before it was clear that I was leaving YFC Portage I was talking to some staff at Lunch Drop In about how much I loathe the finality of goodbyes.   Each day when some of us left the doors of our work we would never say "Goodbye!" Instead we would awkwardly laugh and quote part of a  famous line from the movie Elf  "...Have a Nice Life!" It became our tag line of departure. 😏 Entering the hard moments of Goodbyes... This threshold space that I am living in

A few years ago I remember going out to eat with a group of people.  We all gathered around the table and took our seats.  I was in my mobility scooter.  We had been walking as a group and touring the place we were visiting.  I wheeled on in  and found that the only tables available were ones that were really high with bar stools. I got as close to the table as I could in my scooter chair, but the reality was that it was difficult for me to get up to the table and climb in to the high chairs.  I finished the meal together with my friends from the lower seat of my scooter chair trying to not let the sting of it all get to me.  Moments like these of inaccessibility are hard to process sometimes.  As I work through the frustration of times like these the silver lining in it all is that the Lord often uses these moments to teach me...and maybe you as you read this?! On a spiritual level,  the above scene of the chair being too high for me makes me think of how often we as Christians ma

  "Jesus came to sing a dirge and say: "Cry with Me." Jesus came to play a pipe and say: "Dance with Me." There is a secret place in us where the Spirit brings new life. There is a creche where the Child is born in you. There is the broken soil of your soul where the seeds of grace can grow in you. The Spirit of God within us says, " There is a time to mourn and a time to dance. The Spirit of healing that makes us mourn is the same Spirit that makes us dance.  The mystery of the dance is that its movements are discovered in the mourning. A TIME TO MOURN Mourn, my people, mourn. Let your pain rise up in your heart and burst forth in you with sobs and cries. Mourn for the silence that exists between you and your spouse. Mourn for the way you were robbed of innocence.  Mourn for the absence of a soft embrace, an intimate friendship, a life-giving sexuality. Mourn for the bitterness of your children , the indifference of your friends, and the hardness

Over the past few years  I have been a part of a worship team.  It has been a learning experience for me as most of what I learned to sing growing up had been sol os and singing the lead part in  songs.   It has been interesting for me  to step out of my comfort space  vocally and learn to hear and sing the harmonies in our song sets. It is a beautiful thing to sit with my team and sing the same song, but know and celebrate the unique, distinct parts that each singer adds to the song.  We sing the same song for the same Person,  but each singer sings a unique part of that song. The song written for us as Christians in Jesus’ Kingdom should be sung with one voice.  The song of our lives should do nothing less than lead people to know Him.  The beauty of it though is that each one under Christ has a distinct part to sing. No one can sing our part, but as we tune our ear to hear His song He sings over us , we will then be singing a beautiful harmony part that blends beautifully with t

My God is the God who goes before!  He was, is, and always will be!  Before I took a breath He was already there from eternity.  This truth hits my prayers and my heart almost daily.   Over the last years I've noticed in my life how those of us who've grown up in Christian culture have tried to control, manipulate and force the Presence of God to only be in a certain building, on a specific day and work in a certain way.  We've  even elevated and exalted "full-time, career missionaries" and  thought them to be more holy than the man who works quietly and shares Jesus as a salesman, or the Mom who feels that all she does is clean babies and house, but prays fervently in  her heart in the middle of the mess. Is God only confined to the things we've labeled sacred? Can He be found in the very ordinary, 'secular' things of life? The life I live reminds me that God is already there and He invites me to step in and up to where He is working. When I wake

Just reminding us (yes, even me) of how to live well in the middle...in the place of questions...in the place where things don't always make sense.  This is a place of waiting, the place of holding onto dreams that are promised and yet to be fulfilled.  It is a place of darkness and yet a place of glimpses of hope, beauty and a peace that goes beyond how we feel in reminding ourselves that He is here.  This is the tension place, the "in between" place.  A place of walking in our pilgrimage one step, one breath at a time.  Holding on to what we KNOW...learning to laugh and celebrate and be ok with life not always making sense...learning to dance in the rain and bask in the sun and know that  'in the middle' is where beauty and glory can and does grow. So if you find yourself here...here are 50 things (not in order of importance)  that I pray can help us on our journey... You are not alone...He is with you. You are not in control...and it's ok to le

A girl needs a brother, ya know?  The last few months I have been praying into how much we need each other in the Body of Christ.  We need male and females leading and living out their uniqueness in the Family of God. It is amazing to me how  protected and valued I feel when men actually step in and value and protect me instead of just treating me like I am less than.  I am not an object to be used, abused or looked down on.  I have something to contribute to God's Kingdom ....God can give me  something to say, pray or lay down as my offering to King Jesus. Maybe it's my role at YFC working as a female staff and seeing so many girls hurt by men...and men hurt by girls?   Hear me when I say this is not a man hater post, but rather a call for men to see the women around them as created in God's image.  Please see us as precious sisters who need your strength, courage and gentle compassion.  Be the kind of men who call out the beauty in us and pray for us. Be the