5 years: Tearing Down & Building Up

I have made it five years! Jesus has been so faithful and so good! Thank you, dear friends for your prayers and encouragement. This season of life has been more of an awareness of the Presence  of God and his work in me…a tearing down and a building up. A process of knowing that I'm not just  to be used of God, but to know God. A revealing of unhealthy patterns and an uncovering of things instead of ignoring things. A courage to speak out my dreams, thoughts, and hopes that the Lord has specifically put into my heart. The Deanna of May 2017 is not the same as before. She better understands her capacity and limits and by the grace and strength of her Jesus will keep going not because she feels like she has to keep up, but because she knows and wants to be faithful to the voice of her Good Shepherd. No more puppet on a string that does the dance that everyone needs her to, but a woman who is free to be herself...to be loved and be love to people around her.

This journey of finding my way and being Shepherded has resonated even in my Youth work! The kind of leader I want to be is one of partnership in discovering more of Jesus. When I started with YFC I thought I had the answers. I was going to save the world for Jesus! Now years later I have sat with many youth who have taught me more about Jesus than I could learn in evangelism class or a church pew. I am humbled and I realize that I need Jesus just as much as any lost Youth I sit with. This has changed my perspective. I listen to hear, not just to respond with a piece of wise advice. I recognize the will of the person in front of me to choose and decide instead of making decisions for them. I look for where God has already been working in their life and remind them of that! I realize I can't fix or control or bring peace to problems, I need to hand it all over to the Healer, Fixer, Sustainer and Prince of Peace. I have asked, "What can I learn?" more than "What can I teach?"

This all hit my heart one day when I was having a real moment with one of my YFC brothers! I was moved deeply by his humility when he looked at me and said something like, "I'm sorry, Dee that I've thought that I could just give and help you without you having anything to give to me. You do have things to teach me." Ahhh! This brother was so forgiven in that moment! He got that it takes giving AND RECEIVING to build relationship. A 'what do you need from me...and what do I need from you ?' thing! A partnership...a walking together following the Shepherd until He leads you to a new path or until He calls you home. It has been and will be the most painfully beautiful walk of your life. Jesus will and always be the Prize!

To 5 years of loving and praying for what was me and what I am becoming in Him...thank you!