The Rhythms of His Heart

We had just come from a staff meeting!  Nothing too out of the ordinary came up...often the same questions, not always enough answers! " How are we doing?" "What can we do to engage the Youth of Portage in our Drop In?"  We tossed around ideas, talked of making use of our school visits a time where we try and reach the masses and increase our numbers in our programs.  This is a healthy conversation...with valid questions and I left feeling challenged.  I also left feeling discouraged.  Why?  I know what I am not.  But before you think me too negative...keep reading!  The Lord has been painfully stripping me...ah but beautifully showing me my uniqueness! No longer trying to be a "keep up with everyone" leader, but a more of a "embrace your uniqueness and specific role" leader.     I am Deanna!  I am quiet, contemplative, and sensitive.  I love spending time with people (especially  in one-on-one heart sharing conversation), I need my alone

Rise up, Oh Soldier! You are covered Because He shed His blood and suffered. Rise up, Oh Soldier  You are covered And when shame and guilt stands in the way His voice cries out, "Not here! Not today!" Rise Up, Oh Soldier You are covered Your sin and past are not too big! Rise Up, Oh Soldier  You are covered Stand in His righteousness forever! And when the battle makes you feeble, tired, worn and in defeat... Rise up, Oh Soldier You are covered  In His strength that makes you able Rise up, Oh Soldier  You are covered In a song of victory Rise up, Oh Soldier You are covered Our Enemy cast down He reigns forever RISE UP, OH SOLDIER  YOU ARE COVERED! ***Written after time spent in Ephesians 6:10-18 with a focus on the breastplate of righteousness

In my office now sits a blue, sparkly prom gown.  It has been “decorating” my office since our  summer garage sale.  It sits there waiting for a girl to put it on...to embrace it as her own.  She soon I hope will trade her worn out, tattered sweaters and Lulu lemons for this Princess gown.   When I think about this dress it hits me on a deeper level. I see faces of girls at the Drop In,  faces I pass in school hallways and faces that come to small groups.  God the Father, our King created them for royalty and all they have to do is turn their sin, torn garments in for the royal robes of His righteousness.  They will then be the Princesses that He created them to be.  My role at YFC has me standing by calling and waiting for them to embrace the clothes of the King’s royalty that each girl was created for. One of these 'yet to be Princesses' walked a dark road this summer.  I got a message one Monday night saying that she was just released from the hospital in Winnipeg

My King has been calling me out of hiding...the quiet, shy me still feels the same and yet she is learning the powerful thing that it is to share the story of what He has being doing in my heart!  In this unraveling He calls me deeper and to things that are bigger than me!     I was asked to go back to Nova Scotia to speak at a Ladies Retreat on Thanksgiving Weekend!  I was blessed to retrace the journey of the 13 yr. old me and visit with ladies and a dear friend and a mentor.  I am grateful that my YFC Portage family released me to do this and that they celebrate the ways that God has been gifting me and using me!  I am undone and so honored that HE would choose me...and bless me with the precious sisters in the Body!  20+ ladies gathered at a beautiful camp on a lake...and I am thankful for each of them.  Jesus even smiled on us by giving us nice weather to do some of our sessions outside "at the foot of the cross" in  the outside chapel!  A beautiful gathering with be

I woke up dreading the day mostly because I thought I knew what was coming! I sat in the quiet and asked the Lord to change my heart! I  rushed out the door trying to see the bright side of being at work a hour earlier! (Can you tell I'm not a morning person?!) It was 8am and we as a staff were required to take a First Aide Course.  I had been through this before...the instructor goes through the manual and then we do our practicing of CPR on an fake adult, child and baby! Yep, its pretty awkward for anybody and though I see its value, as a person with a limited, cerebral palsy-worn body it just is REALLY awkward and hard! I  dreaded it because in previous courses the instructors seemed really insensitive in helping me follow through with trying my CPR...and maybe my own pride of not wanting to be different or singled out didn't help either!  I walked in with all of these memories and feelings of not be understood! BUT this time that prayer of that  attitude change before

Over the last months at the Factory Drop In there is a spicy little shaker that hits the counter. It adds some "fire" to the forever lovely "Little Ceasars" pizza slice or the occasional Supper Club Casserole.  This little spice bottle contains dehydrated & ground jalapeno flakes made so lovingly and shared by my YFC brother.  It is a spicy powder that has brought tears to the eyes of many youth who try and prove their "toughness" by the amount they can consume.  It goes by the name "Man Spice" around here and most days I shake my head at the thrill my friends get out of watching each other choke, cry and spew on the stuff!  This is just part of Youth Ministry...part of the crazy, "brightly intelligent ;)" things that I get to see in my day!   One particular night last week though this little bottle and a new friend who came in, taught me the heart of Jesus...taught me the heart of the Gospel in a way I will never forget!  We met

Not too many preachers use them anymore, but the pulpit in a church building is usually the podium behind which the pastor stands that holds his Bible and sermon notes. Many days I watched dad stand behind his and talk with all his heart about the saving message of Jesus.  The place where he stood and prayed many heart felt prayers, sang songs at the top of his lungs, delivered funeral messages, performed baby dedications, etc. etc. On this Father's Day evening I sit here quiet thinking about the last 27 years of being Jerry Stearns' daughter and I am quite proud.  His "job" became my life...his church became my church, his friends, became my friends...his way of loving and leading has now become a part of the way I love and lead.   For four years I've been out from under my father's pulpit and home now!  I miss it and yet his letting me go was the hardest best thing.  I realized since being away that I had made my Daddy's calling my own.  Much

A few months ago I sat in a home of a beautiful family.  This family moved to Manitoba in recent years from Mexico and are adjusting to life here.  Sometimes the life I live allows me to meet people and I come away thinking that there is no doubt that it is definitely is a "God thing"that I meet them. I walked in the door and this dark haired, big eyed beautiful girl was at the door with her Momma waiting for me. She wasn't standing...she wasn't running. She was sitting on the floor on all fours. She was crawling.  This little sweet thing... she had Cerebral Palsy just like me!!  We went in and got comfortable and she brought her leg braces to her Mom to help her put them on. Yes,she ACTUALLY wanted to to wear the evil things, can you believe it?!  My eyes glanced over in the corner and saw her little red handled walker and the memories flooded back to the days when that was my constant companion too!  I sat there with memories of hard days gone by,many days of over

May 3, 2012!  4 years since I  moved to a little city  named Portage La Prairie.  This morning I was reflecting and remembering the faithfulness of Jesus on that day.   Many weeks, months and now years have passed and it is STILL His goodness and trustworthiness that has made me stay! "What good can come out of Portage?  Why did you move so far away?  "What good is it?"  These are all questions that have been said to me...or have even plagued my own heart on a day.  The answer is and always will be JESUS!  I am convinced of this and on the hardest of days, when my family seems so far away, or when I am up against a wall I KNOW that this is where I am supposed to be.  The things I have learned can hardly be explained in one simple blog post, but I will keep it brief so you don't fall asleep :). I am constantly looking for pictures that clearly remind me of Jesus and how I can point people to Him. Here are 4 pictures to explain the 4 things that I am have learned a

This past weekend I got to go away and get a change of scenery!  We drove across the border on a 13 hour road trip!  Our destination? New Tribes Bible Institute in Waukesha, Wisconsin for their "Catch the Vision" days!  This is when perspective students can visit the campus and hear the heart of God through the mission of New Tribes! 6 people who love the Lord...who are very different and yet share the same heart for Jesus,  similar music tastes and humor ventured out! We were really living on a prayer!     26 hrs. together in a car...and we all survived and are still friends! We headed out at 2am on Thursday and made the treck!  We got to sit under Bible teaching on Friday in classes  and experience campus community!  We spent the evening after "Catch the Vision" by the waterfront in Milwaukee!  Saturday was a day spent walking around Millennium Park in Chicago and finished the day with a slice of authentic Chicago pizza! Here are a few pictures at random

Dear Good Little Church Girl. . . You are found out!  No more pretending!  No more masks!  No more hiding behind all your "saintly"tasks!  You think that you can play the game...that everyone around you can't possibly know your hurt...your shame...your pain!  Your pride...uh it lets you put up walls, but if you only knew that it is the cause of your falls!  You are not alone and yet in your choices the consequences, you need to own! And before God as much as you hide, You are seen.  Loved.  Known! I walk into church.  I see you there and wonder what it would take for you to be done with fake!  I look into your eyes and they scream 'Help Me Out!'  But still you rush to your seat not wanting anyone to find you out! To find out that really you struggle with sin... To find out that your close walk with Jesus didn't ever really begin To find out that  instead of being proclaimed as "just a teen" you want to be heard, loved and to be invited in!

Beginning of February I was at Missionfest Manitoba for A Friday Night and Saturday!  I love missions and hearing the heart of missionaries. It really is one of my favorite things to be in a room with them and some of the greatest examples in my life have been missionaries!  I can't remember the exact theme in words, but it was something along the lines of missions in places of adversity...or serving in the hard places!  Little did I know the ways that God would challenge my own heart through this! I sat in sessions hearing a brother (with joy literally exploding from his heart) share his stories of being in concentration camps in Cambodia!  My throat got a little more "lumpy" even as I listened to another brother talk of his being imprisoned by guerrilla soldiers and how he ministered to them in forgiveness and love! Phew! that challenged my heart and opened my heart to ask the question "Would I be willing to go through that for the sake of Jesus?" The day

A Prostitute in a Church Pew? You may wonder at my title and yet it is something that the Spirit has been poking my heart with lately.  We know the term prostitute as someone that sells her/his body in a sexual act for money.  We know this but I want you to think of it for this blog  in these terms: "someone who acts so they can earn someone's love and affection" Here is where the rubber meets the road for me...my heart is exposed and I realize who I am. I can act like the prostitute in a church pew...always doing so I can earn God's love and affection. Feeling useless or unworthy I feel sometimes as if I have to do things for fear of disappointing Jesus or people around me. You see, all the things I do...the public and the private things I do in my relationship with my Lover Jesus Christ do NOT make Him love me more!  A lot of times growing up and still times to this day I feel unloved...like I never measure up or that I have to do all the "good Christian girl

My life  (in ministry & personally) for the last year has been a season of waiting, longing and being! A season of learning how to abide...how to end the striving...how to rest and take a "hands off" approach to things.  It has been about not trying to control...fix or come up with an intervention, but just to let God be God! It has a been a beautiful thing...a  hard process thing and a' grace-breathing in' thing.   I have always been a driven girl...finding worth and value in what I do.  But what happens when all I am doing feels dry, result-less and changeless? What happens when your weak body will not let you DO more?  I have hit days where I have been so exhausted from trying to keep up to all the busy that I have not been healthy physically, spiritually, and  emotionally.  I then had to admit to myself, my team, and most of all to my Jesus that I was NOT ok!  Then things started to break in!  Can I just pause here for a second and say that there is streng

Imagine with  me a typical morning at YFC...it is close to 9am and I zip in the door on my scooter!  Once my glasses defog and I take off my toque or hood if I remember to wear it and the first voice I hear says, "Good Morning, Dee!" I move off my scooter, grab my crutches, purse, bags, Bible etc and feeling frustrated that I don't have more hands to carry things I carry on towards my office while in the middle of my carrying a brother comes out, looks at me in the eyes and says, "Just ASK!"  In that moment, I swallow hard let go of my grip on the items I'm carrying and hand it over!  My "I can do it myselfness" dies and I realize that my arms were not made to handle crutches, books, bags and so I need to ask for help!  I need (we need at YFC) to remember that we were not meant to fix carry Youths depression, family problems, situations, but our job is to "Just Ask!" Jesus to intervene  and breakthrough because He is the One who is the Sa

John Griffith was in his early twenties. He was newly married and full of optimism. Along with his lovely wife, he had been blessed with a beautiful baby. He was living the American dream. But then came 1929—the Great Stock Market Crash—the shattering of the American economy that devastated John’s dreams. The winds that howled through Oklahoma were strangely symbolic of the gale force that was sweeping away his hopes and his dreams. And so, brokenhearted, John packed up his few possessions, and with his wife and his little son, headed East in an old Ford Model A. They made their way to the edge of the mighty Mississippi River and found a job tending one of the great railroad bridges there. Day after day, John would sit in the control room and direct the enormous gears of the immense bridge over the mighty river. He would look out wistfully as bulky barges and splendid ships glided gracefully under his elevated bridge. Each day, he looked on sadly as those ships carried with the