A little girl's broken heart...

Last week I was teaching kids at my church. It was the usual chaos at the beginning as parents were dropping off their kids and signing them in to our program. I used my "adult voice" and began directing the beauties to grab their mats to sit on the floor!

I was organizing myself a bit...when I heard this sweet little girl's voice begin to be drowned out by her tears. I asked  her what was wrong and she was heartbroken! She had wanted to sit by a little girl whom she tried so desparately to befriend and this girl rejected her requests. I left her to be consoled by my helper  &  carried on to teach, but this moment would be one that would teach me forever! 

 You see, I realized that in that broken heart of that 6 year old girl was what God said was in me!  The years of people pleasing and rejection by friends had all built up...and all I could do was sit there and cry and tell Him how I felt!  The Little Dee fears of rejection had caught up with the Big Dee fears and my heart just screamed "ENOUGH!"  My heart was undone...hurt by people who I loved and hurt even more because I had again let relationship and things take the place of the ONE RELATIONSHIP that mattered the most!  I hate these moments, but love them!  It was then that my God showed me that HE will never abandon, reject me, or do things to hurt me...and I needed to let go and be held again by Him and remember I am HIS daughter before anything else! It's as if He was saying, "I AM ENOUGH FOR YOU, DEE! EMBRACE THE JOY & PAIN OF MY HEART BECAUSE AS YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THAT GIRL-- THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL WHEN PEOPLE REJECT ME! I GAVE UP MY SON SO THE WORLD COULD HAVE FRIENDSHIP WITH ME...AND STILL THEY SAY NO TO MY INVITATION."

 I  continue to ask Him to show me more of His heart...I want to  know what that looks like.  I want to be like Jesus, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross & was rejected by men to see His Father glorified! 

So this tender heart??  I love it and struggle with it all at the same time, but this is who I am!   I am  called to KNOW HIS HEART & MAKE HIS HEART KNOWN TO OTHERS!  And above all else, above all else-- know that it is worth it because Jesus is so worthy!

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