LOVED. SEEN. KNOWN. HEALED.

LOVED. SEEN. KNOWN. HEALED.  These words have become very important to me.  They are words that come to me in prayer often when I sit before God.  My prayer life no longer is a one-way conversation where I only examine my heart before God, but it also is a conversation where I imagine how He feels about my coming to Him. He loves it when I come. He sees me when I come and there's now a deep familiarity between us where we can be with each other with or without using words. The simple invitation is just to "Come!"Don't get me wrong some days there is  too much talking, there is the  shadowy, sinful awareness of myself that can keep me from coming. Yes,  He wants us to see and know what is true of ourselves, but in recent days it has been more simple.  I  just "Come" and hold my heart in all of it's good and bad before Him--the God Who Sees, Loves & Knows.

Why is this important to me?

 I think because for most of my days I wanted this seeing, knowing and loving on a human level.  I learned very young how to perform to get approval.  I sang the song, did the dance and was the one who did whatever it took to keep a friend or feel accepted.  I wanted to belong even when I didn't feel it. I learned the words that would keep everyone happy and if I did something that got no response or affirmation I would wilt into a spiral of thinking I did wrong...I was wrong.  I needed someone to validate me and affirm me. I needed a word of worthiness, acceptance & love in order to think I was enough in the world.
The last several months I have searched for a living place, stepped into a new church community, asked a lot of questions on how to live accessibly, only to hit more paperwork and more "NO, I can't help yous" than I wanted to hear.  Talk about a hustle!  Constantly moving, proving that what I dream and hope for is valid and worth someone's time, attention, hospitality and energy.  With every door that closed, I tried my dang-est to push open another.  I faced inner and outer resistance with nothing to show for it.
Tonight as I sit in a farmhouse on land where I never expected to be with some of the kindest people I've met. I wonder.  The pandemic and a overdrawn anxious heart put a pause on things for now and as I've sat and reflected, questioned and embraced these several months  past the thing that has gotten me through has not just been a timely text, prayer & ride from a friend.  It hasn't even been the walks, the readings or the fun things.  It has been that place of being loved, seen & known.  The minutes, hours and quiet space where I've come and have felt felt by a Holy God that sees me. This is my grounding...this is my place where I don't have to hustle for a place, I don't have to prove I am capable or adequate, but this is my place in the Presence where I am LOVED. SEEN. KNOWN. HEALED. It is a place of deep affection where I realize that I am worthy of love as Heaven gazes at me.  It is a place where healing is more than just physical health, but it is a place of wholeness. A place of bringing my body, mind and soul before God and not leaving any part out of His Presence.  Yes, though the doors may shut again, and I face a gazillion "Nos" or my ask is turned away and though my physical body may never have her day on a dance floor-- I am at peace and can face another day...as long as simply "Come!"

Here's a song lyric that came out of a prayer exercise of being Known by God:

I am loved by You
I am loved by You
You see it all and You love me still
Yes, I am loved by You

I am seen by You
I am seen by You
You see it all and You love me still
Yes, I am seen by You

I am known by You
I am known by You
You see it all and You love me still
Yes, I am known by You

I am healed by You
I am healed by You
You see it all and You love me still
Yes, I am healed by You