Chaotic Peace... Heart Words & disordered pics of my 1st year!

























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No More Cancer

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These are the words we heard beginning of January regarding my mom.  In mid-November we heard the opposite that she did have a cancerous tumour on her tongue. A surgery to remove it and reconstruct her tongue have left her with a positive recovery period and the gift of no more cancer. Still today I know that there are those that are battling this disease I am praying for. Treatments, medications, pain, fatigue. All of it looking pretty grim. Why does God allow these things? I don’t really know and I will not speak for Him. I do have a quote that rolls around my heart from time to time:  “ God permits what He hates to accomplish that which He loves”  Although this quote doesn’t fully answer all the questions of suffering I believe it helps us ask what God loves. What does God love? Hearts that trust Him deeply in pain, healing of His children in His time and His way, a longing for us to know Him in spite of our suffering—just as He suffered on the cross. Yes, God loves to...
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The Truth (even when it hurts)

  Some years ago I had a friend who I was interested in pursuing a deeper, dating relationship with. I’m not usually so forward with my feelings, but I knew he was a guy that hit many of the characteristics I had prayed for in a spouse. So what did I do? I prayed and prayed, I talked it over with a trusted friend and finally discerned that I would need to initiate a conversation with him that would clarify if he wanted that deeper relationship too.   I was told the truth. He couldn’t date me. We then had a brief awkward conversation about how I maybe had the wrong idea and how he had lead me on emotionally. He left the conversation promising to restore his brotherhood to me and then we left. Phew. Ouch! I cried and I cried, but to this day I am glad someone was able to be truthful enough with me even if it meant I’d be hurt.  To be honest I don’t usually want to have conversations that risk my comfort and my heart so much, but I’d rather live with what is true than live i...
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From Familiar to Fascination

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  My prayer app says it every morning lately.  “…Spirit, move my heart from familiar to fascinated until it is ablaze with your unfailing love.”  And my heart knows that’s what it needs. I’ve had times when things have become so familiar to me that it has lost its fascination in me. But oh how I want to be fascinated again with God. Oh how I want the transformation of Jesus in my life. Where things aren’t boring or just dead and mundane, but to be in wonder.   Recently my sisters have come to visit on their vacations with their kids. It’s amazing the buzz around the house when people are visiting and it feels exciting not to know from one day to the next whether you’ll be hitting the beach or going on another drive with Dad to hear all the stories of days gone by. And for a moment the mundane feeling fades and you are met with a little excitement because someone(s) that you love has come to visit. This is what movement from familiar to fascinating feels like. Excitem...
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