Tuna Tins & Anger
A year ago around this time I sat with a Youth who became very angry and volatile at the drop of a hat. One evening she came to sit in a space with me to "cool off." Honestly, I was anxious about it as soon as I got the text she was coming! Even though I knew this was the job I had signed up for, I was tired of being yelled at and sworn at for no apparent reason. It was a harsh reminder of what happens when kids in care have lives of not learning love, not learning trust or true family and blame those who try to give them glimpses of anything different. If you are a group home worker, social worker, foster parent or youth worker reading this I know you know what I'm talkin' about :) High fives to you when you do your job well--for caring long hard hours and enduring such emotional stress! I pray your heart stays tender with a "thick skin" that gives you courage to continue to do your work well! I also need to give a few fist bumps to you if you are reading this as a 'kid in care'! You have endured pain and suffering that I can't say honestly that I fully understand. Your story is probably messy, with lots of displacement and wandering and feeling homeless, unloved & abandoned. You need to know that as I type this blog tonight you are prayed for, cared about and loved even if I don't even know your name. Open your heart to the right kind of love. Keep being brave and know that you are more than just a "troubled child!"
Now back to my story...
She came in and was quite upset. Who knows at what?! I didn't really know what to do with her, but all I knew in that moment was to offer a snack and listen. She said a few things and she fished around our coffee bar cupboard until she found a tin of tuna. It was left over from a meeting we had had previously. She refused the other things and at this point she was still fuming. I took a deep breath and suggested we go find a can opener when she had found a sharp knife in a drawer. I know what you're thinking...an angry, violent girl with a sharp object? Probably against code and all the safety courses I have taken, but something in me gave me peace about allowing her to let out her stress by cutting open the Tuna tin. I sat there across from her calmly talking as she began to stab the tin and work on getting the tuna out. We sat there together for almost a hour. She began angry, but eventually calmed down and giggled with glee when she had finally got to eat the tuna.
Why is this important?
As I reflected on the situation when it was all over the Lord revealed to me that I am not that much different than this teenage girl. I too have had moments when I am very very angry. The only difference is I push it down and she lashes out. Phew!! As I saw my night with the tuna tin and this girl with different eyes, I began to see this girl differently. I also began to see God differently too. I no longer think that it is more godly to push away my angry feelings with God. If I am angry I talk to Him about it. I am learning how to make space in my prayer life for those nights when I'm so mad I want to stab a tuna tin! The challenge for me is letting others in that help me process it, but there are a few who have given me freedom in this way. Yep, God doesn't shame me for feeling angry!! I cannot tell you what freedom this has brought me in the last years as I bring it to Him and allow Him to transform it into a holy thing. Do I always get it right? NO! Let me tell you there have been days of tantrums and smashing paintings, but I am more whole as I let it go and not let it sit there. I feel a little like this girl who worked her way through her anger to the prize of her tuna snack. I by God's grace am working through/have worked through negative feelings and in return receive the freedom in my soul!
So I say to you, dear friend...
It is ok to feel angry or any other negative emotion in prayer and not be shamed by God for it!
It is ok not to fix or explain away problems all the time.
It is ok to be present to anger, listen to it and create space for others to express it.
It is ok to be angry and find freedom from it.
It is ok to see God's face in a face in front of you
It is ok to eat tuna from a stabbed tin...you may have to work at it, but you'll laugh later about it!
She came in and was quite upset. Who knows at what?! I didn't really know what to do with her, but all I knew in that moment was to offer a snack and listen. She said a few things and she fished around our coffee bar cupboard until she found a tin of tuna. It was left over from a meeting we had had previously. She refused the other things and at this point she was still fuming. I took a deep breath and suggested we go find a can opener when she had found a sharp knife in a drawer. I know what you're thinking...an angry, violent girl with a sharp object? Probably against code and all the safety courses I have taken, but something in me gave me peace about allowing her to let out her stress by cutting open the Tuna tin. I sat there across from her calmly talking as she began to stab the tin and work on getting the tuna out. We sat there together for almost a hour. She began angry, but eventually calmed down and giggled with glee when she had finally got to eat the tuna.
Why is this important?
As I reflected on the situation when it was all over the Lord revealed to me that I am not that much different than this teenage girl. I too have had moments when I am very very angry. The only difference is I push it down and she lashes out. Phew!! As I saw my night with the tuna tin and this girl with different eyes, I began to see this girl differently. I also began to see God differently too. I no longer think that it is more godly to push away my angry feelings with God. If I am angry I talk to Him about it. I am learning how to make space in my prayer life for those nights when I'm so mad I want to stab a tuna tin! The challenge for me is letting others in that help me process it, but there are a few who have given me freedom in this way. Yep, God doesn't shame me for feeling angry!! I cannot tell you what freedom this has brought me in the last years as I bring it to Him and allow Him to transform it into a holy thing. Do I always get it right? NO! Let me tell you there have been days of tantrums and smashing paintings, but I am more whole as I let it go and not let it sit there. I feel a little like this girl who worked her way through her anger to the prize of her tuna snack. I by God's grace am working through/have worked through negative feelings and in return receive the freedom in my soul!
So I say to you, dear friend...
It is ok to feel angry or any other negative emotion in prayer and not be shamed by God for it!
It is ok not to fix or explain away problems all the time.
It is ok to be present to anger, listen to it and create space for others to express it.
It is ok to be angry and find freedom from it.
It is ok to see God's face in a face in front of you
It is ok to eat tuna from a stabbed tin...you may have to work at it, but you'll laugh later about it!
Stab away, friend. :)
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