4 years...4 Pictures

May 3, 2012!  4 years since I  moved to a little city  named Portage La Prairie.  This morning I was reflecting and remembering the faithfulness of Jesus on that day.   Many weeks, months and now years have passed and it is STILL His goodness and trustworthiness that has made me stay!

"What good can come out of Portage?  Why did you move so far away?  "What good is it?"  These are all questions that have been said to me...or have even plagued my own heart on a day.  The answer is and always will be JESUS!  I am convinced of this and on the hardest of days, when my family seems so far away, or when I am up against a wall I KNOW that this is where I am supposed to be.  The things I have learned can hardly be explained in one simple blog post, but I will keep it brief so you don't fall asleep :).

I am constantly looking for pictures that clearly remind me of Jesus and how I can point people to Him. Here are 4 pictures to explain the 4 things that I am have learned and am learning as I look back over the last year:

1. ABIDING

My first  calling is to be a child of God who is known by her Father God!  No other relationship, title, need or problem matters until I first come before Him like a child.  In order to give His love I need receive His love. One of the most profound prayers a brother prayed for me this year was: "Lord, Deanna tells people all the time that You love them and yet she doesn't even believe that about herself." Phew!    His Presence is all I crave and in silence, in stillness, in Creation, in Scripture, in music I have found out and am finding out how to be loved  before I do love! Prayer has become more about communing  with God instead of just asking from Him.  I am finding rest in Him alone and being filled by His love so I am not serving out of duty, false identities, people's or even my own needs and wants!  I am truly learning that without Him, I am nothing!  I come to Him like a child who is dependent on her Father!

2. Vulnerability

This year has also been about" taking off my Superhero cape" and recognizing my inability, my weaknesses and brokenness.  Instead of proving to the world that I am this Super girl who fights off weakness and her vulnerability,  I am learning how to embrace them and let people in who I trust can pray and help me. This has resulted in many hard conversations and retraining myself in  the way I communicate with people around me.  Gone are my masks--my pride, my  ignorance and fear!   I desire to live a honest life before others, but even more so before the Lord!  I can come to Him with how I am really feeling knowing that it's ok! The way I feel isn't bad...it just needs to be dealt with properly!   I believe that Jesus is the real Superhero, the Real Savior Who brings beauty out of brokenness, and light that is bigger than darkness!  Nothing is hidden from Him...He is the safest place and is so so Trustworthy.

3. TRUTH  HURTS

This  peroxide on an open wound is how the Truth sits in my heart and often in those around me.  There is pain! It hurts, but it has to happen for real cleansing and healing.  In my YFC ministry,  one phrase that we use a lot is "Speaking Truth in love" and I agree with this 100%, but over the last few weeks I have had conversations with family and my Youth friends that have left me in gut wrenching agony.  Why?  I don't want to hurt anyone!  I live in fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and though it is still Truth it can cause damage and my relationship with them is done!  Over! Gone! What if I cared  more about the person's healing than my relationship with them?  What if I was willing to risk that relationship because I LOVED them!  Jesus endured the hurt, the offense, the pain of the cross to bring healing to the world!  I am learning that if I really loved someone I hurt, pray and have compassion with them yes, but also in Spirit led, "wrecked" sensitivity speak those things that they really need to hear!  Oh reader, please pray this for me!!!!!! The Truth does hurt but even more it sets us Free!!  This is risk, this is love...this is Jesus when He said "Go and sin no more!"

4. EYES OF FAITH

Broken! Broken guys, Broken girls, Broken families, broken identities, broken relationships  broken sexuality, and broken emotions!  BROKEN!  Ughh! I get so overwhelmed some days with my own brokenness on top of seeing it in the faces I have in front of me every day!  This year I have been asking the Lord to give me eyes of faith that see past where people are and see what they can become.  Do I really believe that Jesus saves?  Do I really believe the power of the Gospel to transform my life and the lives around me!?  I sit and I understand that I have a lot of unbelief in my heart and see with it too!  Hebrews 11:6 says that it is not my works, my own self sufficient gifts and programs that please God, but IT IS MY FAITH!  The clouds clear and I pray for the Lord to help me see what He sees!  I want to see with faith and compassion an army of youth, a whole city who is revived under one Name the name of Jesus!  

This is my heart.  This is 4 years under the best Teacher...it hasn't always been easy in His classroom, but He is so so good!

 I Timothy 1:12 "I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service,"