Tears of Exposure & Tears of Suffering

As I sit here on a Sunday and write I'm not even sure I have entered in fully to what I am going to express, but please find in me a broken vessel, chosen, sinful, redeemed yet always in need of more growth, grace, mercy,  understanding & love.  I am not where I was and neither am I where I want to be.  In a previous post, I gave you freedom to cry!  I am still a believer in a God who is a God of emotion and feels things so deeply!  Tears are a holy, good thing!  The language of the prophets, psalmists even our Savior was often tears over sin , rejection and injustice.  It is not my intent to be a heavy, melancholic person, but as I have been diving deep into a vulnerable journey in Jesus there is more to discover as we cry out our tears.

 THE "I AM WRONG!" TEARS

My heart wilts a little every time I hear the words, "You are wrong!" Yep, I hate to be called out! I work so hard in my pride to do everything right that I literally can have a melt down when  I recognize and have to acknowledge I am wrong. I never want to be pointed out, never want to do anything wrong (just ask my driving instructor😊) Somehow in my life (UNTIL RECENTLY)  I've missed receiving grace & lived under self-righteous pressure. As I understand my responses to correction & even suffering in my own life, I have learned that there are things that we can learn in our "I am wrong" moments and our moments of suffering that we can't learn any other way.  I wish it was different some days and my prayers/journals would tell you that  in a real way! When  I am wrong and faced with a moment of correction now I have to rework things in my heart and remember that it is not just to punish me and hold it over my head.  The correction of the Heavenly, holy kind is always to redeem, restore and make right through His eye of tearful,  holy compassion.

 THE TEARS OF SUFFERING

 In our culture, we shy away from tears of any kind! We want to fix, give a kleenex quickly, ease, fight or even flee pain. What if the pain that we hide from or fight against is actually a beautiful place where we know His care and love in a deep way?  The Rhythm of His heart  for my life in these days (and maybe even all my days) is to recall that in our suffering and in moments where our wrongs are brought to the surface that He is there!  He loves still and is still good!  Suffering, exposure of sins,  hurt and tears do not mean He has left!  He is closer than ever before!  In the darkness, roots grow.  In the refining,  gold is formed and in dying on the cross Jesus brought  life . It won't end in suffering and when we bravely enter in to pain, step by step holding on to the hand of Jesus...He makes the suffering, vulnerable path a beautiful one with glimpses of hope, Presence & peace to come.

 I am often intrigued by writings and stories that speak the deep things of God.  The following is a writing I read recently that deals with our own tendency to want a life of ease, comfort and consolation from pain.  I ask you to read with an open heart.

The Angel & The World's Domination (by Martin Buber)

There was a time when the Will of the Lord, Whose hand has the power to create and destroy all things, unleashed an endless torrent of pain and sickness over the earth. The air grew heavy with the moisture of tears, and a dim exhalation of sighs clouded it over. Even the legions that surround God’s throne were not immune to the hovering sadness. One angel, in fact, was so deeply moved by the sufferings he saw below, that his soul grew quite restless. When he lifted his voice in song with the others, a note of perplexity sounded among the strains of pure faith; his thoughts rebelled and contended with the Lord. He could no longer understand why death and deprivation need serve as connecting links in the great Chain of Events. Then one day he felt to his horror that the eye of All-Being was piercing his own eye and uncovering the confusion in his heart. Pulling himself together, he came before the Lord, but when he tried to talk, his throat dried up. Nevertheless, the Lord called him by name and gently touched his lips. The angel began to speak. He begged God to place the administration of the Earth in his hands for a year's time, that he might lead it to an era of well-being. The angelic bands trembled at this audacity. But at that same moment Heaven grew bright with the radiance of God’s smile. He looked at the supplicant with great love, as He announced His agreement. When the angel stood up again, he too was shining.

And so a year of joy and sweetness visited the Earth. The shining angel poured the great profusion of his merciful heart over the most anguished of her children, on those who were benumbed and terrified by want. The groans of the sick and dying were no longer heard in the land. The angel’s companion in the steely armor, who only a short time before had been rushing and roaring through the air, stepped aside now, waiting peevishly with lowered sword, relieved of his official duties. The earth floated through a fecund sky that left her with the burden of new vegetation.  When summer was at its height, people moved singing through the full, yellow fields; never had such abundance existed in the memory. At harvest time, it seemed likely that the walls would burst or the roofs fly off, if they were going to find room to store their crops.

Proud and contented, the shining angel basked in his own glory. For by the time the first snow of winter covered the valleys, and dominion over the earth reverted into God’s hands, he had parceled out such an enormous bounty that the people of the earth would surely be enjoying his gifts for many years to come.

But one cold day, late in the year, a multitude of voices rose heavenwards in a great cry of anguish. Frightened by the sound, the angel journeyed down to the Earth and, dressed as a pilgrim, entered the first house along the way. The people there, having threshed the grain and ground it into flour, had then started baking bread—but, alas, when they took the bread out of the oven, it fell to pieces, and the pieces were unpalatable; they filled the mouth with a disgusting taste, like clay. And this was precisely what the Angel found in the second house and in the third and everywhere that he set foot. People were lying on the floor, tearing their hair and cursing the King of the World, who had deceived their miserable hearts with His false blessing.

The angel flew away and collapsed at his Master's feet. “Lord,” he cried, “help me to understand where my power and judgment were lacking.”

Then God raised his voice and spoke: Behold a truth which is known to me, and only to me from the beginning of time, a truth too deep and dreadful for your delicate, generous hands, my sweet apprentice —it is this, that the Earth must be nourished with putrefaction and covered with shadows that its seeds may bring forth — and it is this, that souls must be made fertile with flood and sorrow, that through them the Great Work may be born.” (79-81)

FINAL THOUGHTS
 ****Is God dealing with you about a wrong in your life?  Let Him expose it to correct you in much tender grace. You aren't always going to get it right---breathe in grace and let Him show you how to live out His holy, grace-filled rhythm for your life!  

**** Do you have a pain...a suffering thing in your life?   Ask Him to do with it as He will...He is so close in those moments! In the dark He brings light...and in the most unlovely, tiresome days He is the Strong Arm you can lean on. Cry tears, Oh people of God for our sinful pride!  Cry tears, Oh People of God for the ones who suffer unjustly!  Enter in to lament!  HE IS THERE & LOVES STILL!