The Rhythms of His Heart

  I’ve been sitting in the Scriptures of Jesus before His ascension and before Pentecost. Jesus was sitting on the shore after a fish breakfast. As I reflect on it I can’t get His question to Peter out of my heart. The question is   “Do you love me more than these…?”  Times in my life I remember this question pulling me back to a devoted love of God. It has pulled me away from my family becoming more, my friends becoming more and even my ministry becoming more to me than the love ofJesus Himself. It pulled me towards a deeper love of God, my family and ministry. It has put in me a desire for a deep alignment with heart of God and the things of His kingdom.It seems with this question Jesus was pulling Peter back into love alignment after his denials at the crucifixion and prepared him for his ministry as an apostle in which he would literally give his life for following Jesus. I’m not as uncomfortable with this question as I once was, but I can tell you it still hits me de...

  My meat is to do the will of Him who sent me.” —Jesus It is the fourth week of Lent and I’m listening. Listening for the release from the bondage of religious discipline. Listening for the love that compels me to choose restraint over indulgence. I listen even in the moments when I break my fast in order to feast. Is this whole thing driven by “the shoulds” or guilt ? Is gratitude the thing that is going to drive my inner conversation with God. Why do I even do this?  Lent snuck up on me this year and I didn’t take too much time to be intentional about my fasting choice. I just made a quick decision and went for it and here we are in the middle. Is my fast transforming me more into the image of Christ? I wish I could measure the difference of what this is doing in me, but I can’t other than to notice difference in my digestive system and to recognize that I eat portions of food normally that are way too large!  Fasting is hard. Any type! To choose weakness so we can fea...

  When I was in my early teens there was this show on CTV called “Twice In A Lifetime” Each episode began with someone dying than standing before a judge and they would reveal video clips of moments in the person’s life of joy and of mistake. The person would then see the mistake as the reel of their life was played and an angel would plea on their behalf for a second chance to go back and fix the wrong and get a second chance at living their life. At the end the person would be different and live different than the first as relationships would be made right, mistakes would be recognized and forgiveness given. Though I know the sequence of end of life to be different from the plot of the show there’s something I am processing lately that reminds me of the show. I also am listening to a book through audio that speaks about how God comes in and heals past memories as we open them up to Him. As I contemplate moments of hurt towards me that people are aware of and even of the ones they...

 “ Almost. Almost the winner. Almost there. Almost a leader. Almost a pastor. Almost the best sermon or homily. Almost better. Almost successful in the project or program. Almost done cooking dinner. Almost in labor. Almost done my renovations. Almost to my goal weight. Almost in love. Almost to my wedding day. Almost on vacation. Almost ‘the one’ they love. Almost to retirement. Almost here. Almost never. Almost stuck. Almost angry. Almost dead. Almost alive and almost done. The ‘almosts’ of life roll around in my brain and especially this past year. As this year begins let’s ditch the almosts and accept it for what is real and true. Never forgetting to keep praying, keep hoping and laughing at all the times we ‘almost’ traded in our true selves for what could’ve been fake, a disaster or not participating with God’s Spirit in what could have been our best decision for us. Let’s linger long in the loving gaze of God and make wise decisions based out of clear discernment and what br...

“Risen with healing in His wings..”   There are certain lines to songs we sing that feel like they are stuck in my mind and heart and I have to think through them. This is one of them. I usually write a lot on suffering, but here’s my humble attempt to write about healing. So what does it mean to declare in song Christ as the One who is risen with healing in His wings? (see Malachi 4:2) In my life these words have stood to make me wince a little. Why?! I was taught a little bit about praying for people’s health and saw many older men and women’s eyes full with tears as they begged God to heal their loved ones. Vivid pictures in my life and in Scripture of people that definitely lived faith stories and what they believed in their own context and culture about healing prayer come to my mind as I have lived a life of disability for 34 years. I mean, it’s ok to not be sure sometimes and wrestle in prayer. Now though in lieu of even more tests this week and diagnoses it feels like a goo...

  If there was no visit Then all the waiting would’ve been in vain. If there was no visit  then Mary would have just been an ordinary girl not chosen or highly favoured.  If there was no visit  Joseph would have divorced and kept his reputation.  If there was no visit  Elizabeth’s baby wouldn’t have leapt for joy.  If God hadn’t visited wisemen would still be searching, poor Shepherd’s would not have carried such Good News and there would no peace, no hope no —faith no salvation for the world.   If there was no visit  Abraham would’ve stayed and Isaac would’ve been sacrificed. Jacob would not have dreamed and Moses would not have lead. Elijah would’ve stayed under the broom tree and David would not have been strengthened before Goliath. Solomon would lack wisdom and Deborah would be just a woman under a tree. Esther would not have lead her nation to protection and Rahab would never see the power of the scarlet cord. If there were no visit...

  This summer was hard. I tore it up. These tear stained, coffee spilled thin pages ripped up into a pile on my bedroom floor. I was so mad. I stopped myself in the middle of it. I came to some pause. It wasn’t a dramatic, get attention action for me. I knew what I was doing. I scanned the pile while sobbing to find John 15, some of Isaiah and my favourite Psalms, but I still continued . I even cried more as I thought to myself some people don’t even have one of these in their hands in countries and still I tore the pages of my Bible in pieces. I was processing grief of moving, sickness and isolation. I didn’t and don’t want all the medical and mental sicknesses going on with me. I had to leave my friends, ministry and even my physical  care was getting heavier. I would now have care workers come in to help me twice per week. I was not getting along at some points with anyone who would try and help me in my family. It was terrible.    Just weeks before I had wept and...